On Annoying Elevator Companions

rant thoughts humor personal

Elevator rides, despite being tediously mind-numbing moments spent avoiding awkward eye contact, are a necessary evil of city life, but sometimes, there are just some elevator companions that are bent on making your elevator rides even more of an annoyance than they already are.

TJ Palanca https://www.twitter.com/tjpalanca
08-04-2013

Elevator rides, despite being tediously mind-numbing moments spent avoiding awkward eye contact, are a necessary evil of city life, but sometimes, there are just some elevator companions that are bent on making your elevator rides even more of an annoyance than they already are. I’ve gone through my fair share of elevator rides, and would like to share four types of elevator companions that make me wish the doors cleave them in half (pardon the morbidity, it’s just hyperbole). If you’ve read my post On Annoying Drivers, you’ll see that there are many things that annoy me.

Let’s see if you agree with me:

4 - Gatekeepers

Gatekeepers are always in a hurry, because, you know, unlike the rest of us, they’re busy and important people. We would love to help expedite their elevator embarkation process, if only they would get out of the way and stand to the side first, so that we can actually get out of the elevator. They’ll just hang around the doors for a while before they either realize they’re gatekeeping or just head on through, requiring both of you to engage in some sort of weird elevator door dance.

Worst of all, awkward intimate face-to-face moments can occur when both of you try to exit and enter at the same time, and a person who is in that much of a hurry must not have taken a bath properly.

Annoying Factor: 3.5/5

3 - Backpackers

Backpacks, especially in schools and universities, can be so large to the point that they are two to three times the thickness of the person carrying them. Moreover, they’re at a person’s back,so they won’t know if they are backing someone up against the wall of the elevator or flinging people around when they turn.

Backpackers either don’t know or don’t care. They can’t be bothered to spend the little effort needed to put the backpack at their feet and to avoid accidental backpack manslaughter within their backpack attack radius.

Annoying Factor: 4/5

2 - Bulldozers